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staring at that IM contact list i sometimes
wonder what each online person is doing at this moment
what kind of sofa chair or seat they are sitting on
what the weather is like
if they have colds or headaches
or more pressingly, what they are thinking about life
at this very moment.
and i hope that they in some way care about me.
They are always so tantalizingly there, but not there
and whenever i get in this kind of reverie laden mood
i have to snap myself out of it
and remember that while i am dreaming of this my own life
is slipping away, and that in the end no one can do anything
about that. There are times when the duties and pleasures
of being friends to others has to stop and you are thrown back
into the quandaries of your own life. Some people manage not to
worry that much about it, or achieve some kind of balance
but there is always with me, the sense that i have failed to fully
face my own problems and just use friends and the guise of
“normalcy” to distract me from these issues.
